Gentlemen, one of the great aspects of civilization and cultures is that of charity. Whether it be from people or organizations,the charity of a society stands as a testament to it's character. But some of you may be wondering: what is charity? where does it come from? how can i exploit it for my own gains? Can it be killed with conventional weaponry? All excellent questions. lets begin with the definition and history of charity.
the Merriam Websters dictionary defines charity as:
Charity. char·i·ty.Pronunciation: \ˈcher-ə-tē,\ 1: benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity.2 a: generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also: aid given to those in need. b: an institution engaged in relief of the poor.
While most universities and academic publications would except the Merriam Websters definition as acceptable, FTG is dedicated to promoting diversity, new ideas and eclectic thinking in our readers........so, here's a different definition from urbandictionary.com:
.........................Indeed...... well, moving on. The concept of charity ( as opposed to welfare which originated with Grecian society) began with Judaism and ancient Hebrew society. charity then was more or less a religious obligation, although it mainly pertained to family members such as widowed women and the destitute. however, when no family could or would help, it fell on the community to help. This concept, like many of Judaism, continued on into Christianity and snowballed to eventually become a large aspect of the Catholic (and now protestant) church.
During the middle ages and early renaissance period, the catholic church took the idea of Christian charity, and ran with...and i mean they hauled ass. The church's charity was especially prolific in Spain. here, the church worked tirelessly to help the Jews, Muslims,and other "heathens" of Spain and eased their burden of not agreeing with the church, as well as to quell the rampant spread of a terrible disease ( many priest called it DoesntGiveUsEnoughMoneyitis.) The church also sent hundreds of missionaries to the middle east in in a massive disaster relief effort ( the disaster: other people lived there)
Ah, such generosity.Unfortunately, the church has had cut back on its charity work in recent centuries. However, this has enabled several groups and organizations to take up the plow. One of the largest and most well known charities in the world is the Salvation Army. The Salvation Army has worked tirelessly for the less fortunate for almost a century and a half. Organizing food drives, operating soup kitchens and food pantries, and countless disaster relief efforts are just a few of its numerous projects. also, thanks to their bell ringers initiative, they also make up 50% of the worlds hand bell consumers ( invalids and Victorian caroling enthusiasts make up the other 50)
but in the past few years the Salvation army has starting to let all their success go to their head. in fact, in 2008 they went so far as to change their motto. WARNING. what you are about to see has mass amounts of douchebaggery. those with allergies, please be advised
i would now like to directly address the salvation army:
dear salvation army,
Really guys? Really? "The Most Good"? congratulations, you have effectively "Garfunkled" the charity world. That is an exceptionally dick-move gentlemen. What could possibly make you think that that would be ok? Did you think no other organizations would notice? did you forget about the thousands of charitable organizations across the world? what about "Amnesty International", "Jerry's Kids", LANCE FREAKING ARMSTRONG??!!?!?!? Your giving away soup while he's out fighting ball-cancer. AND once the red cross gets wind of this, theya re gonna beat the arrogant crap out of you and i honestly cant blame them..... listen, guys....*sigh*..... you do great things, no one is questioning that. You irritate us as we go into Walmarts, You guilt trip us on an almost year round basis... you're doing a good job i guess is what I'm saying. But listen, there's absolutely no need to be such a douche about it. Now, I'm not mad, I'm just very disappointed. I expected more out of you, we all did. Now, whata ya say we change that motto, dress up as Santas, and go guilt trip the hell out of upper middle class people at high end shopping centers? huh champ? that sound good? yeah i thought you'd like that. now go get ready sport.
-AJ
***Tune in for the second installment of this article entitled: "Andrew's Court Ordered Apology To The Salvation Army In Order To Avoid A Massive Lawsuit." undoubtedly coming soon!!!!!***
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