Gentlemen, i have no doubt that by now most of you got the email sent out by the World Gentlemen's Council and were told about the newest masturbation fodder to make it past the FCC. I'm speaking of course about the LFL: Lingerie Football League. according to Wikipedia:
"The concept originated from the Super Bowl halftime alternative television special called the Lingerie Bowl which draws millions of viewers as a pay-per-viewevent broadcast annually directly opposite the Super Bowl halftime show. The television show has become a staple of Super Bowl Sunday festivities for millions worldwide being broadcast in over 85 countries." [1]
which makes perfect sense because after an hour and a half of full on testosterone awesomeness, you need some sexy, estrogen sorbet to cool the pallet before the second course. Plus, people will watch pretty much anything if you build it up huge and only show it once a year. ( how else do you explain the CMA's ?)
However, If i may, id like to address the creators of the LFL today. I have one thing to say: good hustle. I'm serious gentlemen, you gave it your best shot and trust me, we all appreciate the effort. Unfortunately its just not what we imagined it to be. somehow, somewhere between our imaginations an reality something was lost. But you aren't to blame gentlemen. In fact, no one is, it's a good solid concept. Football is awesome and so are beautiful, scantily clad women. and if X=Z and Y=Z then X+Y should equal 2Z, but it doesn't somehow. It just equals disappointment. The fact is: The Lingerie Football League will only ever be a dream. Granted, a really awesome
dream, but a dream nonetheless, and I'll tell you why,
First of all, lingerie football is a lot like watching NFL cheerleaders: fun for the first five minutes but once you realize there wont be any nudity its just depressing. Secondly, muscled, yet hot women make us feel conflicted. now we've all had the occasional confused feelings about a hot, ripped, female athlete but we do our best to push those feelings deep down to the place where we keep our guilt, shame, and love of Lady Gaga songs ( I wont tell if you wont ). But watching a field full of women who are beautiful and more cut than we are, beat the living crap out of each other, doesn't really help.
Also, one of the great things about football is how it brings men together, especially fathers and their sons. Watching a game with you dad and your grandpa and hearing about the great moments in the game that they remember gives you a sens of belonging to the team ( of whatever sport) and is a quintessential male experience. Its a way for fathers and sons to come together for three hours and just be men. But let me ask you something: how awkward does it get when your all sitting there watching the game and then a provocative commercial comes on? its gets just the wee littlest b
it
awkward doesn't it? Now, take that weirdness, multiply it by 3, and stretch it over a full hour. doesn't sound too exciting does it? ( maybe"exciting" isn't the best word there....) well thats what you get with LF.
And lastly watching an LFL game as a sport is like watching a WNBA game.....except more boring. Now, you will never hear me downplay the physical ability of female athletes regardless of what sport they play. ( And i mean real sports like basketball and Olympic gymnastics, not BS sports like curling, fishing or baseball.) Mainly its because i don't have an ounce of athletic ability in my entire body. ( which is saying something because I've got a lot of ounces to choose from.)but also because t
hese women train very hard day in and day out to be great at something they love. the only problem is, watching what them do what they love is boring. as. hell.
And so Gentlemen, I'd like to leave you with one last thought: does anyone else find it freaking hilarious that the only way to make women's athletic events even remotely interesting, is for the participants to be more than halfway naked? case in point: Olympic women's volleyball.
Ah, America.
-AJ
Andrew good sir, very well spoken. As far as the LFL goes, they can fool some of the people most of the time, but not all of the people all of the time. Quite informative. Now for a good gin and cigar?
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