For The Gentlemen VIII: Christmas

Gentlemen, Christmas is easily the greatest religious observance ever to be robbed of its spiritual importance and turned into an insatiable beast of consumerism and greed. Just the mere thought of it gives anyone in advertising a raging erection (even the women. don't ask me how, it just does) What began centuries ago as one of the Catholic church's attempts to convert pagan worshipers by holding christian observances on the same days as pagan feasts,  ( One of the Church's more rare conversion methods. You know, the ones where they didn't indiscriminately kill everyone who disagreed with them.) has turned into the free market version of a Caligulan orgy. Every year from October to December, its impossible tell where the sweaty intertwined bodies of Ad executives, toy manufactures and retail chain stores end or where they begin. but perhaps the best part of Christmas is that it makes the ball shriveling winter weather bearable. In fact, it can make it pretty damn enjoyable. You find yourself beginning to not mind freezing your tits off because you're warmed with the knowledge that each new day of conditions that even birds have the common damn sense to avoid, brings you  one step closer to free crap and an excuse to get  hammered enough to make out with your wife's hotter sister.